Talking
by MMLA
Summary: Sometimes it's nice to have someone to talk to about things you don't like to talk about.  Freddie and Sam have a conversation about a topic neither of them is comfortable with.  Rated T, just cause the topic is a bit serious, but could be K .


**A/N: Okay, this is my first (and probably only) fanfiction I have written. I mostly posted it for pigwiz who's an amazing writer (check her out). Sam and Freddie may seem OOC, but I really don't feel they are. They have had civial conversation before on the show (iFind Lewbert's Lost Love, iHave My Principals, iGot a Hot Room), so this is just another conversation they are having. Hope you enjoy, and if you have constructive criticism or complements (finger's crossed), then please review Now on to the story!**

**Oh I forgot - Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly, I just love to watch it!**

Freddie threw down his keys on the table near the door just elated with himself. He had just spent the last 5 hours at the library, not the reason he was elated, but it was Saturday afternoon and that 5 hours he just spend in the library meant he was done with all his homework. The rest of the weekend belong to him! No more school responsibilities, but he did have some iCarly responsibilities, but working on iCarly was fun, not work in his opinion. So Freddie strolled happily to his room to put his things away, he was planning to check his email, check the iCarly website emails and post, update the website, and go through his checklist of what needs to be done before the next web show. Yah, Freddie Benson is a very reasonable young man.

But Freddie really wasn't paying attention when he walked into his room. Why would he, he knew no one else was home. It was just his mom and him that lived in this apartment and his mom was currently at work. But as he was waiting for his laptop to finish booting up, he heard a soft moan behind him that made him jump about 10 feet into the air. When Freddie regained his senses from the scare of his life, he notice a curly hair blonde on his bed. She was laying on her side with her back to him. He walked over to her and peered over her body. Her eyes were closed and she was breathing softly. That moan was actually an exhale she had released in her sleep.

Freddie shouldn't have been surprise to see her here. Carly and Spencer were out of town this weekend and Sam would rather spend time with Freddie in lieu of spending time with her mom's crazy mood swings.

Sam was confident in her control over Freddie, but not her mom. So why wouldn't she want to be around him. Just for the pleasure of watching him squirm. But seriously, Sam actually enjoyed Freddie's company. Freddie could be really fun to hang out with. All those videos they would do for their web site usually involved just them, and Freddie would relax and actually do a pretty good job in them. So hanging with each other actually wasn't that torturous for either of them.

But a cranky Sam was not a fun Sam to hang out with, so Freddie decided to just let her sleep while he just finished his work. But within 5 minutes of starting his website responsiblities, Sam was awake. "Hey Freddork," Sam mumbled out as she stretched out on Freddie's bed. Freddie sprung around on his swivel chair to face Sam with a small smile on his face.

"Hey Puckett, have a good rest?" Freddie replied back walking over to his bed. Then he hurled himself over a still laying down Sam onto the other side of his bed. Coming down on his left side across from Sam. Sam just chuckled at his actions. Now both teens were on Freddie's bed laying on their side staring at each other.

"Where have you been? A 'Dorks-R-Us' meeting, what are those called again, A/V meetings or something like that?" Sam smirked at him.

Freddie just smirked back, "No, for your information I was at the library finishing my homework." Freddie stated proudfully at his achievement. Sam of course just rolled her eyes and scoffed at his statement.

"Of course, what else would a nub do on a Saturday, but doing his homework."

"Hey," Freddie started just a little offended at Sam definition of him, though not surprise. "It is 2 o'clock on a Saturday and I'm completely done with all my homework, which means I'm free to do whatever I want for the rest of my weekend. What about you? I bet you haven't even started yours, which means you still have work to do." Freddie stated like he was some kind of genius for coming up with this observation.

"Right, like I'm going to do my homework. Geez, have you ever met me, or did you just develop temporary amnesias? When have you ever known me to do my homework? I just steal or copy off Carly, you or some other nerd I can bully into giving me their work."

"Sam, you really need to start taking school seriously. There is only a few months left of this school year and after summer we are starting our senior year. You don't want to not graduate and be stuck in that place for more years than needed, do you?"

Sam just struggled off his question. "What about after high school? Don't you want to go to college or at least find a job you can do that will pay you a decent amount of money?"

"Oooooo, Freddie is trying psychology on me, do you think that ever really works?" Sam chuckled again.

"Well then what would get you to take school seriously?" Freddie inquired, Sam simply struggled her shoulders, not really looking at Freddie anymore.

Then Freddie got a wicked smile on his face and spoke, "I know how I can get you to do your homework, the same way I got you to do school work in the past."

"And what would that be?" Sam looked back up at him, her curiosity to know what this dork could possibly be able to do to get her to actually do school work intrigued her.

"I would just simply have to 'bet' you," Freddie stated with emphasis on the word 'bet'. He knew he had Sam right where he wanted her. Sam could never resist a bet.

"A bet?" Sam questioned. "What do you mean you have to 'bet' me?" Sam asked using air quotes on the word 'bet'.

So Freddie reminded of her of a previous bet he made with her. He bet her she couldn't finish the book, Penny Treasures, and have it done in time for a book report she had to do. Of course Sam won that bet, because as she always says, 'Mamma plays to win'.

"So if I bet you something like you couldn't get straight 'A's' this last semester, you would get strait "A's" just because you couldn't stand to lose to me." Now Freddie's smile was so wide and smug, Sam just wanted to slap it off his face and only didn't because she was still too tired and too lazy to put in the effort.

"What makes you think I would even start that bet with you?"

"Are you telling me you would back down from a bet involving Freddie Benson?" He allowed his eyes to widen in mock shock, and cried out in fake fear, "Oh my God, who are you and what have you done with the real Sam Puckett?"

This time Sam came over her laziness and punched Freddie in the shoulder. "Yeah right, but why bother starting the bet. Why would I want to go to college, it's just more school, which I hate. Plus, I have no idea what I would even study in college." Then Sam looked down from Freddie again, "Or I could even get into college to begin with. So why bother taking the bet."

It didn't happen much, but every so often Sam would show her vulnerable side and Freddie hated it. It just wasn't her, hjs friend. Plus Freddie never liked anyone putting down his friends, even if it was themselves doing it. Freddie scooted a little closer to Sam, put one finger under her chin and lifted her head to look at him. "Sam, you do know how smart and talented you are? You like come up with 90% of the iCarly ideas; all the pranks on Lewbert. You create amazing drawings. There is just so much you could do, and plus you don't have to figure it out right away. You could just take a bunch of different classes to figure it out. Plus, as I hear it, college is a time to party, and everyone knows how much Sam Puckett loves a party." Now both were chuckling at Freddie's statement.

"I'll think about it, okay?" Sam coincided hoping this would be the end of this discussion. Freddie saw that in her eyes, so he decided not to press any more.

"Okay Sam, if you don't have plans to do homework this weekend, then what are your plans?"

Sam just smirked, "Oh you know the usual, abusing, berating, eating assorted meats, more abusing, more eating, and more eating."

"And I take it you're here because I'm the one you plan on abusing and berating?" Freddie smiled slightly.

"Oh course!" Sam exclaimed happily.

"And I take it," he continued, "I'll be your source today for getting you your assorted meats?"

"Well, Freddie you've always been a smart one. It shouldn't have been hard to figure that out," letting a wicked smile spread across her face. Freddie just smiled back glad he got his friend back instead that moppie girl that was just here a few minutes ago.

The teens just continued to lay there on thier sides still staring at each other not saying anything. Freddie wasn't sure what to say next to her, and Sam wasn't sure what she wanted to do next. She was just enjoying resting on Freddie bed. She really was too lazy to get up and do something.

Now she wasn't sure why at this moment, but something she was always curious about Freddie had just entered her mind. She was never really sure she should bring up the subject with Freddie. Wasn't sure it was her business or not (like that ever stopped her) or even if Freddie would talk to her about it, but it was something she's always wanted to ask him. So Sam took a deep breath and began.

"Hey Freddie?"

"Yeah"

Sam breathed in again, but not really looking at Freddie asked, "Where's your dad?"

Freddie's eyes widen and he looked down. He must have been holding his breath when she asked, because he let out a long slow breath. He looked down from Sam so she wasn't sure what he might be thinking. She thought to herself, should she ask again or maybe she should pretend she hadn't said anything. Maybe that's what Freddie was hoping for. That if he said nothing, she would take the hint and change the subject. But she made up her mind, that since she already started she would try again. This time if he didn't answer her, she would simply drop the subject. It was probably a touchy subject with him.

"Freddie, where's your dad?" Sam asked softly again.

Freddie looked up at her again with a questioning look in his eyes at her before he responded. "So have we started the abusing and berating part of our day?" Freddie inquired, though really didn't say it meanly.

Now Sam just closed her eyes, a little hurt. Of course he would think that is why she would ask. Sam was always looking for new material to use against him to tease him with, and this was just ammunition she could use. But Sam would never do that, she knew what it was like to have a missing parent in your life, but since she never really discuss this, especially to Freddie, why would he think any differently.

So she replied quick, "No, Freddie, I'm sorry. I-I was just… forget I asked." Sam looked behind her starting to get up feeling very awkward in this situation, "Hey why don't we go somewhere…"

But Freddie grabbed Sam by the wrist and pulled her back down to the bed. He had remorse in his eyes from assuming she had alteriative motives. Yeah, Sam and Freddie would still tease and prank each other, but they also could talk without fighting, at least once in awhile. "I'm sorry Sam, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, … it's just… I don't talk about him."

Sam felt a little better knowing Freddie wasn't mad at her. "Then don't. I was just curious is all."

"It's okay," Freddie breathed deeply again before continuing. "He's dead Sam."

Now Sam felt really bad about bring up the subject. "Freddie, seriously, let's just forget I asked, we can do go something, watch a movie…"

"Sam, it's okay. I really don't know much about him. From the time I was about 8, I use to bug my mom over and over to tell me about him, but she wouldn't. Finally when I was 14, she told me. I don't know if it was because she thought I was old enough to handle it, or if she wanted to get it over and done with, but when she finally told me the whole story, I never brought it up again. It just hurt her too much."

Freddie let out a deep breath and started, "Well this is what I do know. I know the story about how my parents met.

"They met in college their freshman year. Mom was going to school to become a teacher. Yeah I know right." Freddie interrupted his story when he saw that shocked look on Sam's face, but he continued. "My dad was there for pre-law. Now when you're a freshman, they make you take all these courses you don't want to just so you have a well rounded education, as my mom puts it. So they were both in this humanities class about romantic literature and how it changed and influences the culture of Europe, America, something like that.

"Anyways, my mom loved the course, you know romantic theme novels and all that chizz. But my dad, totally lost, no idea what the professor was talking about and didn't care. But if he was going to get accepted into Harvard law school, he better ace all his undergraduate work. He noticed my mom in class, not because he was attracted to her, but because she was always talking in class. She was clearly the professor's favorite, since she was always able to answer all the professor's questions. So my dad was determined to convince my mom to be his tutor.

"At first she wasn't really interested because she thought he was just using some cheesy excuse to ask her out or something like that. But after much persuading, she gave in and agreed to tutor him."

Freddie paused for a second, catching his breath. He didn't realize he had been talking without pausing until now. So he slowed down a bit. "Well, like I said, it wasn't love at first site, but after the class had ended, both of them decided to start dating. At the end of freshman year, they were still together, now defiantly in love."

"Sophomore year came and went and though they had rough patches, as my mom says all couple will, they were still together. Then at the beginning of junior year, mom noticed a change in my dad. He was tiring easily. At first she just thought it was because his work load was much more stressful than his freshman and sophomore year. But then he was getting sick all the time. It seemed the minute he got over a cold or flu, within 2 weeks he was sick again. He was having really bad heart burn and wasn't really eating because of it. My mom begged him to go see a doctor, but he was stubborn. One day my mom came over to his dorm to bring him dinner. She knocked on his door, but he didn't answer. She knocked a few more times. She was sure he was in his room, because he knew she was coming and wouldn't leave for the library or any other place without letting her know. She remembered she had his key, so let herself in. She found him lumped over on his desk, out cold." Freddie paused and took a few deep breaths. This was obviously where the story was going to go bad. Sam knew Freddie need a minute to collect himself. She just laid there quietly on her side waiting for Freddie to continue. He was trusting her enough to tell her about this part of his life, and she sure wasn't going to push him to continue.

After a minute or two, Freddie started up again. "My mom couldn't get him to wake up and she noticed a Kleenex next to his hand, there was blood in it. She knew it came from him, but not sure where he might have been bleeding. When she couldn't wake him after a second try, she got panicky and called 911.

"When he got to the hospital they of course ran a bunch of tests, asked her a bunch of questions. My dad regained consciousness and they asked him a bunch of questions too. After a couple of hours they knew what was wrong. It was an x-ray that told them all they need to know. They found tumors in his lungs and esophagus. He had lung and esophagus cancer."

Sam's eyes widen in horror when she heard this. For the first time in her life, she felt bad for her judgment of Mrs. Benson. Yes, Mrs. Benson was very overprotective, waaaaaaaaaay overprotective, of Freddie. She had crazy ideas about food, safety and how to raise Freddie. But in the story Freddie was telling her, Mrs. Benson was just told the man she loved, the man that is going to eventually be Freddie's father, was just given a probable death sentence. And though it would be great if this story was going to have a happy ending, of course it wasn't because as Freddie had already told her, his dad was dead.

Now it was Sam that needed a minute to process before Freddie continued. Maybe he could see that in her eyes, or maybe he just needed a minute too, because he was taking another break in his story.

"So the determined man my dad was, according to my mom, he promised my mom he would fight and survive this disease and eventually is would just be a horrible distant memory. In 10 – 15 years from that day, they would be a teacher and a lawyer, living in a beautiful house with their children and not letting the memory of his cancer ruin their perfect life." Freddie again was interrupting his story because of the look Sam was giving him. "My dad was not proposing right there, but he did confess that when he thought about his future, my mom was there as his wife."

"So that is what my dad did, he fought and fought the cancer. He did every treatment and took ever medicine that doctors told him would help him fight this disease. The doctors also tried to let him know, that the cancer was very advance and his survival rate was low, but he would listen to that.

"In the meantime, when my mom wasn't by his side in the hospital, she was in the library researching his type of cancer. She was researching what she could do to help him, you know foods he should and should not eat, what possible exercise or activities that would help him but not exhaust him, special herbs or whatever. She stopped going to class and eventually dropped out because of poor grades. My dad felt guilty, but as she reminded him, once he got better, she could always go back and finish her studies; just like him. He only spent a few months in the hospital, told he could just come in for treatments, but could go home instead of staying in the hospital. Well, neither of my parents were in school anymore, so they both had to give up their dorms, but my dad's parents were rich and paid for a little apartment and my mom moved in to take care of him.

"They both got way hopeful after almost a year, when my dad started to really get better, almost back to his old self. They started making plans, getting ready to go back to school. But this time, my mom changed her major. She no longer wanted to be a teacher, she wanted to be a nurse. From taking care of my dad, she really felt it was something she wanted to do forever. They were both really excited about how much better my dad was getting, but that was just the cancer teasing him. Three months later he relapsed, badly. He had to go back into the hospital, and it was the first time both of them realized he might not make it." Freddie paused again. When he spoke this time it was barely above a whisper. "About six months later he was dead."

Freddie didn't speak again. Without knowing it, during the story Sam had gotten a little closer to Freddie, she had grabbed his hand and had used her thumb to rub gentle circles on his hand. Now that the story was over, Sam realized what she was doing and quickly let his hand go. Sam wasn't sure whether Freddie realized what she had done or not, but if he did, he sure didn't let on to her.

Freddie had noticed, but was sure if he brought it up Sam would be embarrassed and take it out on him. Not really wanting a fight to break out he let it go, for now at least.

Though Freddie had finished his story, Sam was still curious about a few things that he seemed to have left out, like when did his parents get married, when did he, Freddie, come into the picture. But decided to ask this question first, "Freddie, what was your dad's name?

"It was Fredward, like me," he replied.

Sam silently laughed amused that Mrs. Benson named her son after her husband. "So you're Freddie Karl Benson Jr.?"

Freddie didn't answer right away. In fact Sam noticed something strange about his behavior. He was fidgeting on the bed, not looking at her in the eye, and it looked as if he had a small blush on his face. Why was he uncomfortable with that question? Was he embarrassed to be named after his dad?

Before she could question him, he spoke again. "Well no. I'm not Fredward Karl Benson Jr.. My dad's name was Fredward Karl. Karl was his last name. Benson is my mom's family last name."

Sam was confused, sort of. Did Freddie just confess that his parents were never married and he was 'conceived out of wedlock'?

I guess he read her mind because he answered her question. "Yea, my mom and dad were never married. But before you think bad about my mom…"

She interrupted him, "Freddork, I don't think your mom is a bad person just because she wasn't married when you were… you know."

"Thanks, but that's not what a was refering to. I was going to say my mom had never planned on getting pregnant. She didn't get pregnant thinking my dad would fight harder to stay around if he had a kid on the way. And my mom didn't have this romantic notion that having a piece of my dad to live on would mean he would always be around, I was just .. an .. accident."

Sam raised her eyebrows at this bit of information. "You were an accident?"

"Yeah, my mom just simply stated that my dad had his good days and his bad days. When he had his good days, they could be … close."

"Okay, ewww, stop, stop, I don't want to know anymore." Sam yelled out disgustedly.

"Yeah, I think this is a good place to stop. You pretty much know the whole story now." he replied looking down again.

Now, just like moments before Freddie started his parents' story. Sam and Freddie were just laying on the bed in awkward silence. Now Freddie felt it was his turn to ask a question. Something he also had wanted to know. "Sam, what about your dad? Where is he?"

And it was her turn to be uncomfortable, not sure how to answer. She knew she could trust him, but she wasn't sure she wanted to really talk about her dad. No one, not even Carly knew about her dad. Not even his name.

"Come on Sam," Freddie started softly and trying to make sure she could hear the reassuring tone in his voice that she could trust him, like he trusted her about his dad. But she still wasn't talking and it was starting to be a little irritating she wouldn't talk to him, "Don't tell me you're not going to tell me about him after I just…"

"I DON'T KNOW!" Sam burst out interrupting Freddie who was a little taken back by the outburst.

They laid quietly again, she needed a minute to continue, like he had, or she was just trying to figure a way out of the situation. Just like Sam was with Freddie, he was definitely not going to push her into anything.

"I don't know where he is," she whispered quietly avoiding his gaze, " I don't know if he is alive or dead. He could be in New York, France, here in Seattle, or on the moon. I just don't know."

Sam took a deep breath and continued, "I mean, I KNOW who my father is, I'm not saying I don't know who my father is or my mother doesn't know, I'm just saying we have no idea where he is." Sam still couldn't look at Freddie and that insecure girl had returned. This time though, he didn't try to get rid of of that insecure girl; he felt that she needed to stay to work out this information she just spilled.

"My parents were married. About two years after they married, they had Melanie and me. I thought everything was great and everyone was happy, but I guess not, because when I was 3 he left and I haven't heard or seen him since then."

Freddie wasn't sure what to say or do next, because it didn't seem like she was done. She just needed to pause for a bit. But he thought maybe she needed guidance as to what to say next.

"You said you thought our parents were happy, why?" he asked.

"I remember laughing, I don't remember fights. I remember my dad would come home and Melanie and I would run up and hug him and he was just excited to see us as we were to see him." Sam was speeding through her story. Then she smiled a little before continuing, "I-I remember … he would sneak up on me while I was watching T.V. and start a tickle fight." She laughed a little at the memory.

"Something else he loved to do was grab me, hold me upside down and have a dog give me 'puppy kisses'. He would call our dog Molly and say, 'Come here Molly, Sammy wants puppy kisses."** (A/N - my husband does all this to our sons and I wanted to put it into this story.)**

Freddie smiled at her story. He could just imagine a 3 year old Sam hanging upside down giggling hard as a dog licked her face.

"Sammy?" he questioned.

"Shut up nub," she replied looking at him again. "But yeah, he called me Sammy. Don't get any ideas."

Freddie held his hands up in a 'I-give-up' motion letting her know he had no plans to use that name, at least for now.

Sam was quiet again for a few minutes and then continued, "Sometimes I think those memories aren't even real."

Freddie was puzzled by that comment. "Why would you think that?"

"Like I said, I don't remember anything bad. I don't remember screaming, fighting, throwing of objects, anything that might have suggested my mom and dad were unhappy. So maybe it was me. Maybe he just didn't want to be a dad. He didn't want to take care of kids, so he left."

"Sam, anyone who calls his little girl Sammy, has tickle wars, and makes the dog give her 'puppy kisses' is not unhappy being a dad. I'm sure you're _NOT _the reason he left."

Sam let out a long, slow sigh, "Come on Fredwad, don't you see the flaw in my story?" Freddie just shook his head no. "I was only 3 when he left. What 3 year old has accurate memories of her life? The happy hugs when he got home, the tickle wars, and puppy kisses. Isn't it possible my 3 year old self just made those memories up and convinced herself they were real to cope with a dad leaving her?"

Freddie knew she could be right. Those memories of hers may not be real, more than maybe. Whenever his mom finally told him about his dad, she made him seem like a saint, and Freddie knew that couldn't possibly be true. No person was a true saint (except for maybe Mother Theresa). Yes, his father was probably a great, wonderful person, but Freddie was sure his dad had flaws like everyone else. But it's the good memories people try to hold on to and the bad ones we always try to forget.

But even if Sam's memories of her dad were just something her 3 year-old self made up to cope with losing her dad, he sure wasn't going to tell her her fears of her memories not being real could be true. Because whether those memories were real or not, it WASN'T Sam's fault her dad left, it was her dad's fault. He was suppose to be responsible, mature and take care of what he had a hand in creating. But her dad clearly wasn't responsible, mature or caring; he was selfish and inconsiderate of his wife and daughters' feelings. He didn't deserve them in the first place.

"Sam, have you ever talked with your mom or sister about him? Maybe they could help you understand why he left." He wouldn't be surprise if Sam never talked about her dad with either of them. Sam's not one to talk about her feelings.

"My mom won't talk about him. She threw out all his pictures and any items that were his that he didn't take. She doesn't talk about him, good or bad. She even got rid of our dog after he left. No memories, no proof he ever really existed."

Freddie reached out and grabbed Sam's hand. He intertwined his fingers with hers, he wasn't sure what to say or do next to make her feel better. No encouraging words were coming to him. Of course he could just tell her what he was thinking about how her dad was selfish and she was better off, but he wasn't sure it was his place to judge. But Freddie felt he had to say something. So he looked into Sam's beautiful blue eyes and said, "His loss for giving up a special and amazing daughter like you."

Sam was so stunned by his words she didn't pull away her hand or smack Freddie for taking her hand in the first place. She realized she actually liked Freddie holding her hand, but there's no way she was going to let him know that. She just let him keep holding it between the two of them pretending she didn't notice.

After a few minutes of holding hands and staring into each other's eyes, Freddie spoke, "Thanks for telling me about your dad."

Sam smiled, "Thanks for telling me about your dad."

A few minutes later, Sam's stomach grumbled. Freddie let out a low giggle.

"Well I guess we have now have moved on the eating part of our day," he stated sitting up, letting go of Sam's hand.

She followed suit, "Yep I would say so. So what do you have in the fridge, Fredwina?" she asked jumping off the bed and heading for the door.

"Not really sure," he replied following her. "But I'm sure if there is nothing in there you like, you'll be dragging me to your favorite restaurant or _restaurants_!"

"You know it!" she shouted out in excitement.

With that, they walked out of Freddie's room in search of the contents in his refrigerator.

**So there you have it. Just a note, because I'm sure some people will say something. The whole Freddie gets his last name from his mom. I do have some evidence from the show to support this idea of mine. In iFence, Mrs. Benson says HER great-grandfather, her grandfather, and her father were famous fencers know as the Fencing Bensons. So if HER family has the name Benson, Freddie's last name comes from his mother's family, not his dad. I don't know if the iCarly people are even aware they set this up (or care), but that's what help me come up this this storyline.**

**Now go out and read pizwig, iCarlyAngst, deviocity, Evil Beware We Have Waffles, fireflies321, iLuvNathanKrEsS, JamesTheGreater, KingxLeon 21 or go to my profile to see the other authors I have in my Favorite Authors list.**


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